Change

Change:
1. To become different or undergo alteration
2. A transformation or transition from one state, condition, or phase to another
Change is something I, and many others fear.
Fear is defined as:
1.To consider probable; expect.
2.Feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.
3.A state or condition marked by this feeling: living in.

Fear can be useful. For example, one's fear of failing a test can move them to study hard, ensuring they'll get a good grade on the test. It can be devastating as well. People become comfortable where they are and become paralyzed by it. It can root them in place, not allowing them to get out of a miserable situation. A lot of people believe that there is no way on god's green earth that they can move towards positive change. They believe in the word's to an old song: "What's the use in trying? All you get is Pain. Disappointment haunted on my dreams." They might think they don't deserve it ie; I am a worthless loser. I don't deserve good things, therefore they won't happen. They feel completely and utterly stuck. Sometimes, no matter how dire the situation you have to hope that it can and will get better. I firmly believe that "Where there is no hope the people perish." You cannot thrive without hoping for change. You can only exist. I spent my whole life deathly afraid to such extremes, that I'd sit in the same place every day, whether it be on a bus in school. If 'my place' was taken I'd have a panic attack and feel serve anxiety. I'd be unable to function for the rest of the day. I grew up with message that I was no better than trash on the ground and would never amount to anything. I have a revelation in the past few months with some help. I cannot stay in my situation and continue to do what I'm doing. It is not currently working and never will. I sobered up and have begun moving towards change, albeit reluctantly at time and with a little bit of prodding. I still feel afraid. I realize it doesn't help me and I am working on letting go of my old way of thinking. I must think in new ways. I must be able to allow change to happen and move with. I have to see the bigger picture and imagine what lies ahead of me. I probably will always have some fear, but I must continue to acknowledge it, realize it wont help me, and be able to laugh at silly, fear inspired thoughts. Laughing is important because t allows you to move in new directions, with faith and courage. It has been said that change is not the absence of fear, but the realization there are more important thing to focus on then fear. No one can change me for me. I have to change myself for me. The message that I would never be anything and I was a useless waste of space I can conquer. I love the saying "The best revenge is a life well lived." I relish the day when I be able to show my parents and all those who doubted me what I've accomplished. If I continued on my destructive path and destroyed myself using drugs and stupidity, I'd be willing allowing them to destroy me and allowing them to have control of my life and power over me. I'd prove them right. Why the hell would I want to do that? There is another quote I enjoy too. "You miss 100% of the shots you never take. It reminds me to try because I got nothing to lose and everything to gain.