My first

I posted a picture and it has a story behind it, as most pictures are apt to have. As silly as it may seem, this picture represents a turning point in my life. This is a picture of Dame Diana Rigg, an actress. She played a character named Emma Peel in a 60's television series and I used to watch it frequently. We preferred the Emma Peel episodes over the Mrs. Gail. We as told ourself (my dad, little brother and I) that it was because Diana was a much better actress. Yah, right. The real reason was because she was eye candy. It was funny how all three pairs of eyes fixed on her. The game of pretend we all played. It was a strange new feeling for me. One I didn't understand till much later on. I felt attracted to her. I told myself it was admiration for this character. Mrs. Peel represented a feminist who kicked ass with cool karate moves. She carried an aoura of respect, demanding to be treated as equal as a man. She was just a role model, that's all. I knew I was deceiving myself. I just wouldn't admit being psychically attracted.(My parents beliefs not mine)I now realize first crushes have nothing to do with your identity. I was afraid that there was wrong with me. I was not like my family. It wasn't until I was 16 that I first attempted to come to terms with my identity. I tried to share with my best friend that I had no sexual desires. She laughed and responded I was a "normal heterosexual" Ouch. There must be something wrong with me. I decided to try and not admit how I identified. If someone ask about how I identified I changed the subject. I tried lying a few times and saying I was on of those "normal straight people." It wasn't until I was 18 1/2 in December of 2006, when I started to hang out with a Queer SMYRC youth leader thing changed. One day, he said to me, "You know, I think you're asexual." I just stared at him. My mouth open and closed. I looked like a fish gasping for air. He knew my darkest, deepest secret. He was Ok with it, and thought there was nothing wrong with it. I was partially horrified, partially delighted. He was the first person I ended up coming out to. He started taking to SMYRC a place where I met people like me and I was accepted,. I decided I didn't a crap what other people thought of me. If they didn't like it, they go shove. I began to accept others and realized open mindness was the way to go. It started because of a tv show.

My first crush: hottie with a bottie

ajax and jane

Patricia Chvatal

Patricia Chvatal died July 11, 2007 at 84.

Patricia M. Clifford was born July 8, 1923, in Portland, where she
lived all her life. She graduated
from Lincoln High School and was
a homemaker. In 1946, she mar-
ried Rudolf P. ; he died in 2002.
Surviors include her daughters,
Mary Pat Boatright, Rosanne Ja-
cobs, Lisbeth Chvatal and Caren
Chavatal; sons, Phillip and David;
and 12 grandchildren.

Arrangements by Finley's.

I love you, Grandma. RIP

Grandma,
You been dead for five days. I just got an e-mail about it. That must one of the hardest ways to hear depressing news. Having to read it. How impersonal. I thank God my mother was there for you so you didn't die alone. You could die knowing you were loved, held and comforted. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I didn't even know you or anything about you. We were virtual strangers. You were the last grandparent I had left. Maybe that's why it hurts so godamn bad right know. As I'm ytyping right know, the tears are spilling on the keyboard. Me. The tuff badass who believes crying is a sign of weakeness and is digusted by people crying, is bawling their head off.At least when your close to someone, you have memories of them after they die to help you get through the grief. I have nothing, just grief and an overwhelming amount of pain. I want top go get fucked up so fucking bad. God it hurts. I am so sorry I was never close to you. I am so thankful I got to see you one last time and tell you I loved you. The last thing I said was I love. After I left for my visit with, I bawled right in front or someone It hurt me so bad that you didn't get a lot of visitors and that you were extremely depressed after your husband died five years ago. I hope that wheever you are, you are together with him and happy. Because both of you deserve it. You are a good helpfulcouple and you truly made a difference and changed people's lives. You raised good children as well. Maybe someday I'll see you again and get to know you. Wyho knows?
I LOVE YOu I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU
RIP GRANDMA.

...and justice for all?

It is July 4 of 2007. The day we set of fireworks to celebrate our independence from England 231 years ago. I was pondering the meaning of the day this morning. I noted the Constitution printed in the local Oregonian. I got as far as "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all MEN"- whoa. slow down. All men? What about women. Aren't they equal too? They're as much as a human being as a man. You'd think that in the 21st century things would be quite different Sadly, it seems society today which prides itself on being 'progressive' is still discrimantory towards anyone who is not male, hetrosexual, white, or christan. The constitution may proclaim equal rights for all but this is not the case. People stand at queer right marchs or queer funerals with signs proclaimng horrible, hateful messages. How can you revel in the death of another human being without becoming th monster you claim people who are different than you are. Women earn less pay than men and everywhere you turn are being objectified. After reading the constitution, I though of something else that despite preaching equal rights for all is not being followed. In fact, it has had religon inserted in it. Therefore, I say it as it was originally written. The way it was meant to be said. "I pledge alliegence to the flag of the United States of America, one nation indivisble with liberty and justice for all. In spite of all the goverments ssertions, everywhere I turn I see opression and people "sweltering under injustice." All you have to do is look out your front door. Homelessness is illegal and people who are different people are teased unmercifully. I know, because I speak from experience. We may have achieved freedom from England 231 years ago but we are still not free. We have come a long way since then, and I applaud people who stood up and were unfraid to make a difference. Ghandi says "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." We still have a long way to go. Today, on July Fourth, instead of just thinking of this as a day to set of fireworks, think of this. Even though we are no longer enslaved to another country, we have become enslaved to ourselves. We have created a society were certain groups of people are better than others. People are killed for being different. I encourage you to turn to your brother or sister today and tell them you are glad they are a unique human being. Our differences are what brings us together as human beings. I look forward to the day when we can all hold hands and say in the words of Dr. King, "Free at last, free at last. Thank God Almighty we are free at last. And mean it.