My first

I posted a picture and it has a story behind it, as most pictures are apt to have. As silly as it may seem, this picture represents a turning point in my life. This is a picture of Dame Diana Rigg, an actress. She played a character named Emma Peel in a 60's television series and I used to watch it frequently. We preferred the Emma Peel episodes over the Mrs. Gail. We as told ourself (my dad, little brother and I) that it was because Diana was a much better actress. Yah, right. The real reason was because she was eye candy. It was funny how all three pairs of eyes fixed on her. The game of pretend we all played. It was a strange new feeling for me. One I didn't understand till much later on. I felt attracted to her. I told myself it was admiration for this character. Mrs. Peel represented a feminist who kicked ass with cool karate moves. She carried an aoura of respect, demanding to be treated as equal as a man. She was just a role model, that's all. I knew I was deceiving myself. I just wouldn't admit being psychically attracted.(My parents beliefs not mine)I now realize first crushes have nothing to do with your identity. I was afraid that there was wrong with me. I was not like my family. It wasn't until I was 16 that I first attempted to come to terms with my identity. I tried to share with my best friend that I had no sexual desires. She laughed and responded I was a "normal heterosexual" Ouch. There must be something wrong with me. I decided to try and not admit how I identified. If someone ask about how I identified I changed the subject. I tried lying a few times and saying I was on of those "normal straight people." It wasn't until I was 18 1/2 in December of 2006, when I started to hang out with a Queer SMYRC youth leader thing changed. One day, he said to me, "You know, I think you're asexual." I just stared at him. My mouth open and closed. I looked like a fish gasping for air. He knew my darkest, deepest secret. He was Ok with it, and thought there was nothing wrong with it. I was partially horrified, partially delighted. He was the first person I ended up coming out to. He started taking to SMYRC a place where I met people like me and I was accepted,. I decided I didn't a crap what other people thought of me. If they didn't like it, they go shove. I began to accept others and realized open mindness was the way to go. It started because of a tv show.