American dream

See the flag waving in the american breeze
What is America?
Are we living the allusion of a dream?
Must we refuse to worship the cold sweet ground of reality
Look! It is the hot pavement upon which we fry our brains in the swelter of an indians summer heat
It is the otter idly swimming by on its back
How the nuts with its teeth crack! See the meat swiftly withdrawn from the shell!
Gaze upon the man, the one who would be president
See him salute the eagle and her star spangled banner
Observe the spittle on his lips as he kneels to kiss her blood spattered breast
Is it real?
Is the man who feverishly toss about in a dream of aborigines and drigerdoos anymore more real than I?
See the shimmering pane of glass upon which the world presents itself
Fragile is its state and it, it will crack, in hair line fractures
Becoming an egg with runny yolk dripping down its side
Pick up the rose colored glasses if you must
I shall not condemn you of that pleasure
But I, I must shatter the illusion and taste the sweet freedom oh how sweet of knowledge and understanding
Forewarning of what is and what was, and what is coming to pass
See the warrior! Will he sheath his sword?
Observer the archer upon his horse
The horse carries the white sheet of innocence upon its forelock
Love is ribbons braided in its mane
See the archer carefully pluck the arrow and string it in the bow
It whizzes through the air and the sound resonates
for it must hit his target dead on
And at last we come to the poet who must complete his work
He is feverish too but with birth pangs of an idea
An idea that madly plays on his brain pinching nerves madly striving to be heard
It must spring forth upon lips and be told
It has a name Truth!
It is every innocent child that ventures out to see the ocean frolick
and every person who stares up at the sky and wonders why
the profess giving her lecture to the errant pupil
Mad with birth pangs of success
It is the newborn calf wobbly on its feet
It is the tiger in the cage who roars for freedom
the puppy who must stick out a tongue and taste its first snow
Oh! it is cold
I am the anxious mother who paces frenzied before the door
I must be! All this and more!
I must stop and play and and give my brain the reins relinquishing all control and power
to give to the world
holding it up like a sacrifice
the fatten bull upon the altar of the gods
striving to be so much more
My sustenance is word, my only food!
The food of a cursed man who must understand in any way he can that which he cannot
The american dream of which we speak
Is me and you and what else?
Of what shall I write?
What melody will the bard pluck from the string of harp?
Great wailing and weeping shall be heard when it goes silent
In every city there is rust and it rots and reveals the fat maggots crawling
It lays its eggs in the rotting meat, in the stench of failure
And doom does tell for the corpse of idea fresh in the grave
Who cries out and will not be dead and silent?
Who?
Who is bold enough to Emerge from the darkened cave bringing the gem?
The one which is called hope
Who will be the savior of its people
Bringing the fulfillment of its ages
I will embark on this journey
All this because I believe in a dream!

10 Christmas Songs I'd Never Sell

1. Twelve days of infection
2. Happy new pain
3. Missed-my-toe
4. Tinkle hell
5. I'm dreaming of a healthy kidney...like the one I used to know
6. (No) coffee nuts roasting over an open fire
7. Rudolph the red colored kidney
8. Frosty-on-the-pot-man
9. Really Silent night, holy night (night you don't hear me piss at 2)
10. Have a holly, jolly piss-man (cause I can't)

Life Choices

Sometimes, you get to thinking
The juices of your mind start flowing
You sit back and assess your situation
Meditating on what is and what isn’t
Pick up the pen and right the list
Determine what can and cannot be changed
What can and cannot be predicted in life
You’ll find that you can change YOU
Your reactions and behaviors
Your outlook on life and your future
You always have the power to change
Your mind, your friends, your hangouts
People may try to bring you down
Telling you your nothing, nobody
They’re full of discouraging negativity
You can let them win or let go of them
The choice is always up to you
You come to point where you realize
You miss 100% of the shots you never take
When you understand life is one big choice
And the first step toward change, is your mindset
Only then can you gain serenity and motivation

Building Blocks

Breathing and waiting
Waiting for what is soon to be
The impending decision of what will come
Like a hand flipping a switch
Soon could life be flooded in light
Or you could let the heavy-handed giant come
With a sweep of its paw, it could undermine one’s life work
Life was like building blocks standing precariously high
That a child had carefully constructed
You never know if they will stay piled up so tall
If the base didn’t have many strong blocks holding it up
Then there might be trouble if a breeze came to sway it
In life if, you don’t build up a strong circle of supportive people
Underneath helping hold you up helping you help yourself
Then when adversity comes you might not have the strength to overcome
So you crumple and have to once more begin again
You learn from mistakes if are wise and take care not to repeat them
The building blocks called HOPE, LOVE, and TRUST are so fundamental
You cannot flourish if they are not close to give you insight
At the end of you work, don’t look back with regret
Wishing on a star for things to have been different
To do things one hasn't done out of fear
The want to have stopped and smelled roses you scurried past
All for the want of time
If you giggled and allowed the ocean's surf to tickle your toes
If you had bravely picked dandelions and blown them away with one breath
If you had spent more time pursuing lost forgotten dreams
If you only had allowed courage into your heart
Without fear of things changing
If you just changed with life instead of resisting
You have only one, uno chances
Why not take a few risks
If you shoot higher and higher
Reaching steadfast towards goals
You would find out an important thing
You have everything to gain and nothing to lose

Education and me

I can easily sum up what I learned in 12 years of school. It’s called Jack and shit, and Jack’s left town. I endure years of being stuffed in lockers; a used tampon or two chucked at me, got the crapped kicked out of me, and affectionately was called the retard. All those years of emotional trauma and physical abuse have left me scarred for life. I am a high school graduate, yet I can’t even add to save my life. Hell, I can’t even tie my friggin’ shoes, for god’s sake. So, believe you me, when someone lectures me about the importance of higher education I stare at them like they’re from another planet. A planet, where perhaps, school was fun and useful? So here I am, 19 years old, having spent five days a week, 12 years of my life, sitting at a desk picking my nose. It’s my life! Not the board of education’s, for cripes sake! And you want to know what I have to show for my time? A fancy, shitty piece of paper which either is located at my parent’s house or in a black hole somewhere in space.

Workin' on the N.A.F.Y. Beat

I am like a dog that continues to worry at a piece of meat. Many are those who complete a job and rests, but nay, count me not among them. I shall never rest when it comes to writing, eager to tarry forth to new telling. One shall be content if they manage to pry the pen out of my cold, dead hands. So speaks Mouse. I shall now write that after everything type. So speaks Mouse seems a bold, assertive proclamation.

A Halloween Tale

It was dark and stormy night, the night the evil pumpkins roamed the land. Hallow's eve, aka Halloween. The pumpkins let all the restless spirits lose, to leash havoc upon villagers. Many were those that shrieked in terror. Even the ever-fearless wolves howled in fear. The sight of the evil terrors that all squash were was enough to make one let lose of their bowels. It was prophesied that one would be born to bring down the reign of evil and send all pumpkins trembling down, down to the the very bowels of the earth. Little did the pumpkins know that the prophesied one would spring from their own loins, the sheep amongst the wolves. It they had known, surely they would have dispatched it at birth. When the one that is good was a mere seedling, a good spirit trapped in the earth latched on to it as a means of escape. They melded together and became as one. When the seedling poked forth from the soil for the first time it felt the cool rain refreshing its face. It was contaminated with the will to do good. So was the start of the end of centuries of domination of bad spirits.

The Old Tree

She stood regally in my backyard
A queen, who in old age had not lost her grace
Retaining dignity even in advancing years
Her branches reached towards my house
Almost touching my bedroom window
I knew she was my guardian
One of those beauteous creatures
Destined to protect vulnerable children
The Queen was more than just a guardian
She was my good friend
I loved to press my weight against her bark
Feeling its gnarled knotty surface
Rough, yet lovingly brushing my arm
I'd scamper high into her branches
Where she'd allow me to sit all day
Protecting and watching over me as I lay in her arms
Sometimes when I stood in the queen's presence
I was a jester in a throne room
Honored to entertain such a majestic tree
She must witnessed so much going on around her
What kind of people had lived in this house before I?
Had she seen many child friends grow up and move away?
She probably saw many kids play the day away
Laughing and dancing round her trunk
Even when I wasn't around her, she was in my thoughts
My favorite class in school became yoga
My favorite pose, tree
Standing there, arms outstretched
Reaching, reaching for the heavens
Feeling strength emanating through my body
Wisdom crossing over from the Queen to me
Through a sacred universal pose
We'd always be close, connected
Even though I'm joining the ranks of deserters
I, like others before me, was leaving the queen
A city bus is taking me away
Belching dirty smoke for its exhaust
I press my nose to its window
On last glimpse at my wise friend
Thanking her for the advice and friendship
provided to a lonely child
Knowing another soon will come
Giving her a gift
The gift?
The comfort of an old tree knowing its wanted and needed by children

Autumn Enchantment

Four seasons of the year
Each decidedly different from the rest
Of all of these, I love fall the best
I love to wear its colors
Reds, oranges, greens, and browns
Observe the leaves that bravely drop from the trees
Begging to be raked into a pile
I jump, and scatter them to the four corners of my backyard
The rich woody smell of change fills my nostrils
Halloween will soon be upon us
Restaurants begin selling Delicious flavors of pumpkin
Shakes, pies, muffins
Hordes of pumpkins litter farmer's fields
My mission becomes clear
Find the perfect pumpkin to carve
Create a spooky jack-o-lantern
Triangle eyes, full toothed sneer
Guaranteed to frightfully scare all tricker-treaters
Fall enables me to don another identity
On the night werewolves run wild
And Witches race through the skies
I knock on my neighbor's door's
Determinedly searching
For the delicious cavity haunted candy
Till we come to an old crone's house
Each taunting the next to rap upon it
If you dare, that is
Spirits roams lose
Creatures hibernate
Magic possess the air
And all children out to play
For you see, autumn is quite a enchanting time of year

Changing the world

what is changing the world? Giving the world a gift in the form of a child. Improving society? Planting trees? Helping one fainting robin unto its nest again says Emily Dickinson. Knowing one person has breathed easier because you have live, says Ralph Waldo Emerson. Being good to all those around you? Standing up for everyone rights even if your standing alone? Striving to free yourself by freeing all people? Is it simple? Or complicated? Can one do it by writing stories that affirm a child's self worth as Dr. Seuss did? Is it more than doing good? Does one have to BE good? Does one have to believe deep down that every living creature deserves to thrive and be happy? That no one is better than anyone else? That, we're all like flavors of ice cream, cookie dough has a different experience than vanilla, but once you get down to it, its all ice cream. Different, but the same. How do you change the world? How do you get people to open their minds and believe in something far greater than themselves? How do you teach than that everyone deserves love and respect? Even their enemies. Can you do it through words in addition to deeds? How do you get people to understand you want to help? How do you learn patience? Tolerance? How do you teach people something far different from what's be ingrained? Can you effectively, permanently change the world? Will society progress slide backwards? Language barriers get in the way? Are we heading towards the ideal society? Slowly but surely? With individual people stepping up along the way, helping others to see the light. Where lie the answers to my questions? Inside myself?

I am, among all, most richly blessed

I asked for strength, that I might achieve; I was made weak, that I might learn to humbly obey.
I asked for health, that I might do greater things; I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.
I asked for riches, that I might be happy; I was give poverty, that I might be wise.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men; I was given weakness, that I might feel the need for mediatation
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life; I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am, among all, most richly blessed.

My painting

I must write what I feel. Words are the eyes I see the world with. They are every crumb of bread I put to my lips. It is one way my soul speaks to the earth and its creatures. Therefore, I employ language to translate the sensations which are the very essence of my being. Lately, I have been exploring a different medium of art. I've been painting. I started because I felt obliged. I continued because it opened my eyes to something new. My painting is a visual representation of how it feels when one steps from the darkness of ignorance to the light of seeing things for how they truly are. Plato did a remarkable job of illustrating this with his timeless allegory of the cave. My intention is to show this change through the painting of a rooster. This particular rooster lives on a cruel farm with many other chickens. He is resigned to his fate, but dreams of something better. Until one day,he learns he is about to be killed, and then, decides to explore his possibilities. Out of growing consternation, he ventures around the farm and discovers a hole in the fence. In a indecisive moment, he hesitates, but realizing he has nothing to lose, plunges boldly forward. As depicted in my painting, he runs joyously down a hill, flinging out his wing with the sheer bliss of newly discovered freedom. He has never felt so alive!
I choose a rooster because I have owned chickens throughout my childhood and they will always be close to my heart. When I look at this rooster I think how much it is like me. I too, was unknowing and content with my ignorance until the day I became more afraid of the darkness of close-mindedness. I chose to step out of the proverbial cave into the dazzling light of the sun. I was amazed at to discover the beauty around me that I couldn't see with my eyes closed. My painting has also opened my eyes. As I gaze as this rooster that miraculously appeared of my canvas I seek answers to how it will react. Will it go back to the farm to show others the hole in the fence? Will they listen and follow him to freedom? Or as Plato suggest, will they chose to mock him and his new reality, comfortable in accepting life as they think it has to be. To me to question is to live. You can only exist if you don't question, then seek answers.

My Power of Imagination

My daytime adventures and dreams do not end with the setting of sun
They continue through the passing of the night
My body is resting and relaxed
My mind, however, is a different story
Like the faithful clock that refuses to wind down
It tells me of olden times
Times of exploration and journeys
I embark on quests towards the furthest corners of my imagination
I roam boldly throughout strange lands
Discovering the power of belief
I am
I am
a curious child uncovering the mysteries of my back yard
I am
a knight seeking to rescue a town from the clutches of a fiery dragon
On some nights I want to see a story
My mind gladly cooperates
And when I drift away into slumber
I am carried to enchanted lands of yore
To times far away and forgotten
When we weren't afraid to wonder and question
I visit battles
I see common enemies unite under one flag
I drop in on people fighting evil that threatens their livelihood and all they stand for
It is such a glorious time for me
Words fail to capture the moment
I enjoy this privilege because I allow my mind to take the reins once in a while
I fear not curiosity
I am not afraid to question what I am told is real and unreal
I let the child within
-Out!
To run and play and skip about
Performing somersaults in the grass for an imaginary audience
Without worrying about grass stains
I fling back the curtains of doubt
Allowing myself to be
-FREE!
Thus my mind obliges and surprise me and takes me on trip to lands of wonder
I sleep a sleep fit for a king!

Dreams

We all dream. Some people have strange dreams, some scary, some funny, and some joyous.But mine are not your average dreams. Sometimes my dreams come true. Eerily true. Only the bad ones come true. I dreamed my grandmother died. In my dream she was in this hospital-like setting and she was making funny sounds. She was slumped over and my eyes focused on her heart monitor. The waves were getting smaller and smaller. Then the line went flat. Beeeeeep. it was then I knew she was gone. I felt an immense wave of sadness wash over me. I woke up abruptly, breathing hard. I thought it was an awful dream. Deep down I couldn't shake the feeling that my grandmother's time was short. I spent the next five days telling myself it was just a bad dream. I knew it wasn't. So I got a bus ticket and went out to see her. She was completely unresponsive and it broke my heart to see her like that. As I walked out I said I love you grandma. See yah. Even though I knew better. Three weeks later I got the e-mail. She died in a hospital. Her heart failed. It happened as I dreamt. Then I had a dream that I would get screamed at by certain NAFY staff member and kicked out of NAFY. They did so a week later. Why must my bad dreams come true? Why do I sometimes communicate using telepathy? What's wrong with me? I'm now scared to dream.

Crystal Blue Persuasion

Look over yonder what do you see
The sun is a-risin' most definitely
A new day is comin' people are changin'
Ain't it beautiful crystal blue persuasion

Better get ready gonna see the light
Love, love is the answer and that's all right
So don't you give up now so easy to find
Just look to your soul and open your mind

Crystal blue persuasion, mm-hmm
It's a new vibration
Crystal blue persuasion, crystal
Blue persuasion

Maybe tomorrow when He looks down
Every green field and every town
All of his children every nation
There'll be peace and good brotherhood

Crystal blue persuasion
Crystal blue persuasion.....

I BELIEVE!
And no one can take that away from me

Together

This world will change
You gotta believe man
Search your soul
Open your mind
Seek, first to educate yourself
Then others
We gotta change, not just by or for ourself
Bounding together as people
Unify, my brothers and sisters
We have a lot of differences
Straight, queer
Black, white
Poor, rich
Male, female, adrygonous
We have a lot in common
You hate me brother?
Just for seeing things differently?
Then cut me brother
Cut me, and see what color I bleed
Red, same as you or anyone else
Think your better cause of the color of your skin?
If someone were to put a gun to your head, finger on the trigger
Don't tell me your knees ain't gonna be knocking
and your pants ain't gonna be wet
Same as the rest of us
We all feel feear, pain, joy,love
So why not join hands in love?
Its the only way to save our species
Hurry, 'fore its to late
Love, an education, an respect
The only tools to combat hate, an ignorance, an disrespect
The may kill one of us tool-carriers but they will not kill our message
Or our indomindable spirit or our Soul
Put down the weapons
It only destroys your soul
Why must you continue to carry such a hatredous burden yoked upon your shoulders?
I know your hurtin deep down inside
But carryin around malice like a two ton mac truck only make it worse
It'll eat away at your heart and only leave bitter resement
Which leads to hatred
You can have help with that load
If you would just ask for it
Please,I beg of you, My peoples
Make peace before we all kill each other
Let us forgive and forget our grievances
Pick up that hammer you used to build a fence between you and your neighbor
And, TOGETHER, with them tear it down
Do it, not just for you,
But for your children,
And their children,
And your children's children
Then, only then, can we be
-FREE!

Evening Glory

At dusk
when man and beast
lie tucked away
in the warmth of bedding
safe from all dangers and enemies
listening drowsily to all the sounds of the night
the pitter-patter of rain on a cool tin roof
I count sounds
I count the sounds of crickets
chirping good night in the meadow
I count the rustle of leaves falling from the oak
I count the sounds an acorn makes
when a careless squirrel knocks it free
I count the time between thunder claps
I count the answers a howling wolf receives
I count the confident hoots of a truimphant owl
On nights when clouds tears drop down to litter the ground beneath them
I dance barefoot in slickened grass
I catch droplets with my tongue
I samba the dark away
Chasing the storm clouds
Capturing the evening glory

the moon and i

I grew up in the country
The moon and I had a close, personal, relationship
Oh, how I remember
The beauty of a full Harvest moon
The orangish orb would dip so low in the sky
and so close to where I’d lie
that, sometimes, lying on my back in the pasture
gazing up at a star clustered sky
I’d give way to wondering
If the man in the moon were to stretch out
his understanding hand towards mine
Our fingertips might, just might, by some magic
touch
Like man touching the fingers of god.
And, sometimes,
on those warm, breezy summer nights of my childhood
I’d ponder soul-searching questions
Is the moon really made of cheese?
Maybe I could fly a rocket ship
Up, up, up
Grab hold, and nibble on it with sharp teeth
And when I had engorged myself,
I would let go and tumble
down, down, down
towards Mother earth
and she would catch me
And once again,
I’d be flying on a soft blanket of green
With a filed, satisfied belly
counting a vast multitude of stars
feeling so insignificate
to a vast, ever-expansive world
this created an innocent awe
which could take a child’s breath away
it gave me a sense of self wonderment
an appreciation of the life and beauty
surrounding and encompassing us all
An appreciation that is evr-growing within me
as I experience life
sometimes I’d long to spend all night
sprawled on the ground underneath the stars
cradle in the loving arms
of Father sky
and Mother earth
But kids have strictly enforced bedtimes
And, so I’d wind up lying in my soft bed
glancing out the window at my friend and protector
the moon
Until I succumbed to a defenseless slumber
when I would awake the next morning
my friend had vanished
replaced by sister sun
but my confidence it would be back
was never shaken
through the innocent trust of a child
I miss those nights
and the questions that bubbled up
only springing forth from the lips of a child
someday two friends will get re-aqquainted
the moon and I

Why religion should be banned

What is religion? People believing in some mythical being that demands their complete devotion. What a pathetic waste of one's life time, and breathe. Countless innocent blood has been spilled in the name of pathetic, fucking religion. The crusades. The Mormons. I could spend my whole life naming the problems and evils people who subscribe to every brand of religion have committed in the name of some "God". I worship no God, especially not Darwin like the fucking atheists, although I find them much more tolerable than Christians. I profess my ignorance in knowing a great deal of religions, but with new fanatic religion cropping up every day, it is impossible to keep up with people's absurd beliefs. I am a victim of Christianity myself. My mind and life are permantly damaged from religion because it only encourages hatred, ignorance and close-mindness. I bristle at the very mention of god. I will list the evils against Christianity because it is what I survived. I refused to let myself be a brainwashed, hapless victim of the Christian religion. I was taught to obey all the bible commanded, except for the inconvenient parts. (Such as chopping of naughty people's hand.) People use the ridiculous stupid bible as an excuse to be close-minded and hat on people. I don't recall any part of the bible were it says hate on people. In fact, if I remember correctly, the foremost command from the Jesus dude is "You must have love amongst yourselves." Christians are always judging people. They twist scriptures like the one I heard so much I can directly quote, Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment that you pronounce you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get." It is in the book of Matthew, I believe it also goes on to say something about not looking at the straw in your brother's eye because there's a rafter in own fucking eye. How convenient people skip that part of the bible. I hate that godamn so much. It is sexist and racist. It say that women should whatever men says and their function in life is to get married and have sons. It calls them a "weaker vessel". Personally, I think one should ignore that stupid crap and focus on the few good points of the bible. Like the story of the Good Samaritan or where Jesus says "Let he that is without sin cast the first stone. "All religions carry the same theme that people skip over in an effort to justify their actions. In other religious texts it goes something like this. Do not judge thy comrade until thou hast stood in his place. Judaism. If you want to criticize someone, first criticize yourself more than three times. Chinese religion. Happy is the person who finds fault with himself instead of finding fault with others. Islam. I like what the Hindu religions say. They sum it up perfectly. The vile are ever prone to detect the faults of others, though they be as small as mustard seeds, and persistently shut their eyes against their own, though they be as large as Vilva fruit. I say we should take all religious text, find the good morals in them, commit them to memory, and then keep them for a good laugh. Then we should teach other what we've learned and say a big FU to religion. All it is is an obstacle to the unification of humanity. We'd get along so much better without it.

Enlighting conversation in p:earalle

Pippa and Brian

Change

Change:
1. To become different or undergo alteration
2. A transformation or transition from one state, condition, or phase to another
Change is something I, and many others fear.
Fear is defined as:
1.To consider probable; expect.
2.Feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.
3.A state or condition marked by this feeling: living in.

Fear can be useful. For example, one's fear of failing a test can move them to study hard, ensuring they'll get a good grade on the test. It can be devastating as well. People become comfortable where they are and become paralyzed by it. It can root them in place, not allowing them to get out of a miserable situation. A lot of people believe that there is no way on god's green earth that they can move towards positive change. They believe in the word's to an old song: "What's the use in trying? All you get is Pain. Disappointment haunted on my dreams." They might think they don't deserve it ie; I am a worthless loser. I don't deserve good things, therefore they won't happen. They feel completely and utterly stuck. Sometimes, no matter how dire the situation you have to hope that it can and will get better. I firmly believe that "Where there is no hope the people perish." You cannot thrive without hoping for change. You can only exist. I spent my whole life deathly afraid to such extremes, that I'd sit in the same place every day, whether it be on a bus in school. If 'my place' was taken I'd have a panic attack and feel serve anxiety. I'd be unable to function for the rest of the day. I grew up with message that I was no better than trash on the ground and would never amount to anything. I have a revelation in the past few months with some help. I cannot stay in my situation and continue to do what I'm doing. It is not currently working and never will. I sobered up and have begun moving towards change, albeit reluctantly at time and with a little bit of prodding. I still feel afraid. I realize it doesn't help me and I am working on letting go of my old way of thinking. I must think in new ways. I must be able to allow change to happen and move with. I have to see the bigger picture and imagine what lies ahead of me. I probably will always have some fear, but I must continue to acknowledge it, realize it wont help me, and be able to laugh at silly, fear inspired thoughts. Laughing is important because t allows you to move in new directions, with faith and courage. It has been said that change is not the absence of fear, but the realization there are more important thing to focus on then fear. No one can change me for me. I have to change myself for me. The message that I would never be anything and I was a useless waste of space I can conquer. I love the saying "The best revenge is a life well lived." I relish the day when I be able to show my parents and all those who doubted me what I've accomplished. If I continued on my destructive path and destroyed myself using drugs and stupidity, I'd be willing allowing them to destroy me and allowing them to have control of my life and power over me. I'd prove them right. Why the hell would I want to do that? There is another quote I enjoy too. "You miss 100% of the shots you never take. It reminds me to try because I got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

That'll be the day

"The much touted 'sexual revolution' is, and has been, a failure. It will continue to be a failure up until the day when there is REAL sexual freedom, and it is FINALLY OKAY to say, 'No thanks. I'm just not interested. At all. Ever.'

"When a person can say 'No' to sex, without being second-guessed, ridiculed, pitied, or accused of lying and hiding their true orientation, THEN they have sexual freedom".

My ideal place

I'd want a roof over my head. I'd have a girlfriend not too far away. I'd want a bookstore and a movie store nearby. There would be a computer and a garden with food and flowers. It would be small and cozy. I'd always have something new to learn. It would be quiet and peaceful so I could do yoga and meditate. A place where I felt safe. It could be either in the country or city. My means of transportation would be a really nice bike and I could write to my heart's content. All the dreams of the world would be realized and prevail because they'd have a place to blossom and flourish and I, I would have a modest, humble hand to play. I would play my hand, and it would not only be dealt righteously but played with the skill of a master. I would not rest until the fiddler has fiddled his last tune and carressed his violin with his bow as a mother caress's her child, and it sings a soft sad joyous tune and then goes forever silent, a cracked liberty bell that has done its duty and sits in dust and I have bowed and politely left the stage in the manner of a thespian.

bell hooks

Summary of First Chapter
What is feminism? I was unsure of the definition until I read bell hooks’s book Feminism is for Everybody Passionate Politics. It defines feminism as a movement to end sexism, sexist exploitation, and oppression. It states that because society is primarily Christian, people believe a man is the head of house. The problem is many women involved in the feminism movement chose to believe it was anti-male. At first, it was anti-male but, as the struggle continued feminists realized women could be just as sexist. The main focus then switched to gender equality. Essays published during that time pointed out women could only bond together by addressing the many ways through class, race, and sex women exploit each other. Feminists had to be able to come to terms with this in regards to politics as well. The book briefly discuss how it became clear to black woman that they were never going to have equality “…within the existing white supremacist capitalist patriarchy.” hooks points out that a great deal of women, particularly privileged white woman, no longer give consideration to the feminist movement because of the economic power they have gained. The idea of the feminist movement is only available to those who are wealthy, literate, and highly educated. Many people have not rejected the idea. They have simply not heard of it. hooks then delves into the idea of reformist feminism. These are women who only try to work with the sexist system by accepting it and using their jobs to become equals at work. They leave the “dirty work” to the poor women and are thus allies to sexism. Along comes lifestyle feminism, the idea that there are many types of feminism and a woman could have feminism in life regardless of personal politics. hooks urges us to reclaim the definitions of feminist politics and allow the movement to get back on its feet. We can all spread the message that “Feminism is a movement to end http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=3797042329525447260
Create sexist oppression.” Let’s do it!

My first

I posted a picture and it has a story behind it, as most pictures are apt to have. As silly as it may seem, this picture represents a turning point in my life. This is a picture of Dame Diana Rigg, an actress. She played a character named Emma Peel in a 60's television series and I used to watch it frequently. We preferred the Emma Peel episodes over the Mrs. Gail. We as told ourself (my dad, little brother and I) that it was because Diana was a much better actress. Yah, right. The real reason was because she was eye candy. It was funny how all three pairs of eyes fixed on her. The game of pretend we all played. It was a strange new feeling for me. One I didn't understand till much later on. I felt attracted to her. I told myself it was admiration for this character. Mrs. Peel represented a feminist who kicked ass with cool karate moves. She carried an aoura of respect, demanding to be treated as equal as a man. She was just a role model, that's all. I knew I was deceiving myself. I just wouldn't admit being psychically attracted.(My parents beliefs not mine)I now realize first crushes have nothing to do with your identity. I was afraid that there was wrong with me. I was not like my family. It wasn't until I was 16 that I first attempted to come to terms with my identity. I tried to share with my best friend that I had no sexual desires. She laughed and responded I was a "normal heterosexual" Ouch. There must be something wrong with me. I decided to try and not admit how I identified. If someone ask about how I identified I changed the subject. I tried lying a few times and saying I was on of those "normal straight people." It wasn't until I was 18 1/2 in December of 2006, when I started to hang out with a Queer SMYRC youth leader thing changed. One day, he said to me, "You know, I think you're asexual." I just stared at him. My mouth open and closed. I looked like a fish gasping for air. He knew my darkest, deepest secret. He was Ok with it, and thought there was nothing wrong with it. I was partially horrified, partially delighted. He was the first person I ended up coming out to. He started taking to SMYRC a place where I met people like me and I was accepted,. I decided I didn't a crap what other people thought of me. If they didn't like it, they go shove. I began to accept others and realized open mindness was the way to go. It started because of a tv show.

My first crush: hottie with a bottie

ajax and jane

Patricia Chvatal

Patricia Chvatal died July 11, 2007 at 84.

Patricia M. Clifford was born July 8, 1923, in Portland, where she
lived all her life. She graduated
from Lincoln High School and was
a homemaker. In 1946, she mar-
ried Rudolf P. ; he died in 2002.
Surviors include her daughters,
Mary Pat Boatright, Rosanne Ja-
cobs, Lisbeth Chvatal and Caren
Chavatal; sons, Phillip and David;
and 12 grandchildren.

Arrangements by Finley's.

I love you, Grandma. RIP

Grandma,
You been dead for five days. I just got an e-mail about it. That must one of the hardest ways to hear depressing news. Having to read it. How impersonal. I thank God my mother was there for you so you didn't die alone. You could die knowing you were loved, held and comforted. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I didn't even know you or anything about you. We were virtual strangers. You were the last grandparent I had left. Maybe that's why it hurts so godamn bad right know. As I'm ytyping right know, the tears are spilling on the keyboard. Me. The tuff badass who believes crying is a sign of weakeness and is digusted by people crying, is bawling their head off.At least when your close to someone, you have memories of them after they die to help you get through the grief. I have nothing, just grief and an overwhelming amount of pain. I want top go get fucked up so fucking bad. God it hurts. I am so sorry I was never close to you. I am so thankful I got to see you one last time and tell you I loved you. The last thing I said was I love. After I left for my visit with, I bawled right in front or someone It hurt me so bad that you didn't get a lot of visitors and that you were extremely depressed after your husband died five years ago. I hope that wheever you are, you are together with him and happy. Because both of you deserve it. You are a good helpfulcouple and you truly made a difference and changed people's lives. You raised good children as well. Maybe someday I'll see you again and get to know you. Wyho knows?
I LOVE YOu I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU
RIP GRANDMA.

...and justice for all?

It is July 4 of 2007. The day we set of fireworks to celebrate our independence from England 231 years ago. I was pondering the meaning of the day this morning. I noted the Constitution printed in the local Oregonian. I got as far as "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all MEN"- whoa. slow down. All men? What about women. Aren't they equal too? They're as much as a human being as a man. You'd think that in the 21st century things would be quite different Sadly, it seems society today which prides itself on being 'progressive' is still discrimantory towards anyone who is not male, hetrosexual, white, or christan. The constitution may proclaim equal rights for all but this is not the case. People stand at queer right marchs or queer funerals with signs proclaimng horrible, hateful messages. How can you revel in the death of another human being without becoming th monster you claim people who are different than you are. Women earn less pay than men and everywhere you turn are being objectified. After reading the constitution, I though of something else that despite preaching equal rights for all is not being followed. In fact, it has had religon inserted in it. Therefore, I say it as it was originally written. The way it was meant to be said. "I pledge alliegence to the flag of the United States of America, one nation indivisble with liberty and justice for all. In spite of all the goverments ssertions, everywhere I turn I see opression and people "sweltering under injustice." All you have to do is look out your front door. Homelessness is illegal and people who are different people are teased unmercifully. I know, because I speak from experience. We may have achieved freedom from England 231 years ago but we are still not free. We have come a long way since then, and I applaud people who stood up and were unfraid to make a difference. Ghandi says "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." We still have a long way to go. Today, on July Fourth, instead of just thinking of this as a day to set of fireworks, think of this. Even though we are no longer enslaved to another country, we have become enslaved to ourselves. We have created a society were certain groups of people are better than others. People are killed for being different. I encourage you to turn to your brother or sister today and tell them you are glad they are a unique human being. Our differences are what brings us together as human beings. I look forward to the day when we can all hold hands and say in the words of Dr. King, "Free at last, free at last. Thank God Almighty we are free at last. And mean it.

My first blog

Here we go again. My name is Mouse I'm 19 and writing my first blog, as suggested by a P:ear Staff member. I like reading and writing things like poetry and journalism articles although I stopped when I turned 18. I miss working on my high school newspaper, The Themisian. To this day, I am still unable to spell or pronounce the name of it. I am not doing much these days, except getting high, or finding something dumb to do, or getting in lots o' trouble. One of my goals right now is to fry my brain so I become one of those numb brain damaged zombies wandering around who aren't there. I mean they're there, physically at least, but mentally they've the building. There, but not there, unfeeling and unaware. I should do something productive. I want to do something to occupy my time, because then maybe I wouldn't have time to be stupid. This blog is getting depressing. I should end on a positive note. I have a cup of coffee on me that taste good.