I Was Reading Langston Hughes The Other Day

To this land our ancestors came
seeking
a new life?
freedom?
did they hope and plan dream and work
through the long voyage across the sea
did they picture streets paved with gold
a future without oppression
what cargo did we stow in those ships hull
greed, strife, class war
did it make the voyage with us?
all the strife and hardship endured
so, you and me
their children's children's children
can have a voice
we came, the tired the poor the huddle masses
and has America fulfilled the promise made so long ago
or have we become the more tired the poorer the growing masses
huddled masses in soup lines waiting
waiting for "10 years and the end of homelessness"
I search for the lost dream
but I only find those living paycheck to paycheck
and the masses huddled in doorways
the mounting debt, the drug addicts
how much longer must we wait?
we've lost faith in America
renew the dream!
close the gap between the haves and have nots!
take back our hope our ancestors brought
let cleansing rivers flow through the land
and let the disease be washed away, the second class citizenship
we will find the dreams and equality together

Electronic Poets Viewpoint

The hatted man stepped onto the pavement
The gleam in his eyes!
The MAX train approaches
Inside, the rose lipped women stood watching
The weed smoke puffed wildy in the air
Balloons shaped like dogs, carried in parents arms
Houses dot hills
The tram soars over
A clown grins
The grin of a zoo baboon
Snow plows nervously skirt around
On third, two stuck buses spin stuck wheels fervently
Homeless drug deals in soup lines
Flurries descend on the city
Christmas and carolers have arrived in Portland

American Nightmare

America is a toilet the masses flock to
Flushing their dreams down it
And its true face is revealed
Behind the perfumed lies
The stench fills your nostrils
The stench of despondency
This is homelessness
This is living day to day
Knowing you are society's excrement
Welcome to the American nightmare

My Words

My words are running away today
but I do not mind-
They need the exercise

Can't buy Mouse

I don't want to be mass produced, commercialized
I'm not the McDonald's logo
You can't buy Mouse for a $1
I don't want to be overused
I'm not the word 'love'
I don't want my art
To be cheap contrived and meaningless
I want Mouse to sing
I want Mouse to fly
Without the burden of a price tag

I left

I left her
A dozen fresh cut roses
A series of love poetry
My undying devotion
None of it was enough
So I left her with the roses
But took my words back

I envy those

I envy those
who write with such small words
but yet eclipse such great meaning

I am afraid that

If I had a pen
I wouldn't stop
I'd write until
It ran out of ink
And then I'd fetch another

I don't think

I don't think
we will see
the sun today
Dark storm clouds
Obscure bright thoughts

Flying space monkeys

Flying monkeys from space
shall dominate the human race
They'll come in ships lighting fast
Their laser guns creating a big blast
Appearing on the scene
Contorting their faces to look mean
Whipping tails about
with many a howl and shout
Here they come!
the troubles just begun
Zooming in from the sky
with bananas as their battle cry
And if we surrender
monkeys can go on a banana bender
If they can get just one banana split
they'll leave in a bit
So into space a ship is towed
And off into space bananas and monkeys go

Someone asked me

Someone asked me if the city were my home
Their question is repeated
By a quickly dying echo
But my distaste lingers

Oh Art Arise

Writing comes unbidden
An act natural as breathing
Inspiration's thought flows
From soul to mind
Exuded in every breath
Mouth to air
Oh art arise!

Books

Don your coat and take a journey with me
And we shall see

Walk past the vendor carts with fresh baked buns
and rising doughs
and the morning cup of joes

Past the sharp tongued women
fanning their faces
and sitting in their places

The sun is still high in the sky
As we walk by and by

We reach the place where both scholars and buns
come

Greats rooms lined with old oaken tables
and hidden underneath
a wreath of pre chewed gum

Vast halls containing more prose
than the world knows

The old and dust forgotten hard cover books
Hidden in every cranny and nook

The one place on earth
with continual peace and quiet

Can it hurt-
Wont you try it?

I beg of you
Your interest in books renew

Oh Dawn Arise!

Arise oh golden dawn!
bring light forth
shine upon mans face
that we might stir from this mortal slumber
your splendor alights fireworks in my soul
Free blushing maidens from elegant bedchambers
Drive night and cold away
So even the most unfeeling man might-
Feel warthms embrace
Oh dawn arise!

Winter

Oh winter, thy cunning enemy
you come to call
Leaving icicles on my roof
Yourfriend Jack Frost visits
And on my window pane a sheet of blinding white
You send the very bears into hiding
Men go to sleep in your embrace
And do not wake
Tis best to bear down
And wait for spring's warming thaw

Rain

Puddles to jump in
Droplet to catch on your tongue
Pearls collecting on my glasses to land with a flat plop...
On my lenses
It would be nifty if they came with windshield wipers to wipe drops away)
Dampness evades my pants leg
Soak through to my bones
Rain rain rain
I'm sick of the sleet pouring down
I think I'll take a vacation
California and sun here I come!

Life Colors

GRAY is the sea in a somber and choppy mood
BLUE is the twinkle in my eye when I am discovering life and breath around me
BLACK is the mischievous child that dances in all our brains
YELLOW is a sunflower boldly opening its eyes to taste and kiss the sun for the first time
GREEN is natures sprouting thoughts beginning to blossom and unfold to us all
RED is the anger I feel in my heart when I see a plastic bag wrapped around Americas neck polluting

Shadows

Shadows wax and wane here
Like a candle's slowly melting energy
My soul flickers
I am the firefly flying outside my bedroom window
Shadows wax and wane here

Yah, you're free

You think that gun makes you free?
Free only to kill
Only to see your morals corrupted
And your neighbors gone
You think the constitution makes you free to tote it around?
Out of sight, out of mind, out of public eye
Its not dangerous?!
Motherfucker
You see kids killing kids
Cause their parents kept a gun in the house
Look right into their dead, future lost, kid unseeing eyes
And then tell me your gun doesn't
Make the statue of liberty cry
A tear running down her face for every drop of blood shed
And tell that American society isn't out of control
Yah, your free to carry a gun
And after that, free to rot in a jail cell
Living with what you did
Cause the law let you have a gun
Yah, that's your right

America

Let the cleansing fires burn
And let the maggots lose to eat away at corruption
Let us restore her natural unpolluted beauty
To her
And let my America
Your America
FREE!
To be the American dream again

Gender is an Elephant

that sits on your living room floor
And its something you just can't ignore
You turn on the TV
Only to see
It there on the screen
Just like a really bad dream
In frustration you push out of home
Only to hear the next morning, right on the phone
Finally you gather your neighbors together with many a shout
And now that you have that clout
Don't be afraid- go on -
Shove that ol' elphant out!

What remains of Me

My dreams/Shrouded in despairs veil
Fluttering hopes/Laid to rest in deaths coffin
The mortician/Driving in the final nail
A black curtain/Descending in sorrows grace
This act/ Brings forth griefs wreath
To be tossed upon/My marbled tombstone
Shovel digging into earth/Portlands soil rains down
To cover/My wretched face
Buried here/Lies what remains of me

Philosopical Predicaments to Ponder

I don't mean to be a skeptic
Or criticize the universe's plan
I'm just trying to understand
I guess my curiosity demands I wonder

Why do good people have to suffer
While the bad go unpunished
And why did I have to watch a fifteen year old\
One who never harmed harmed fly
Wither away to nothing
And then on the fourth of July just die

Yet I'm still alive
I seems so cruel
That some get the chance to pursue their dream
While others never even get the chance to live
What is the point of trying
When my life can end in the blink of an eye

Is there a purpose for me on this earth
And if so, is my life path already mapped out for me
Or am I supposed to draw my own?
Are my heart and mind a reliable compass
Or must I find something else inside of me to guide my journey
Which principals should I chose to lead me?
And how do avoid the 'wrong crowd'
I don't want march to beat of someone else's drum
I think I'll follow my own accordion

Why do some children cry themselves to sleep at night
Their innocent stripped away and nothing seem right
While others encounter an endless ocean of love
And never even had to fight

They say struggle makes you stronger
And experience is the best teacher
And if we don't learn early on
We have to repeat the lesson until we understand
But can we ever understand enough?
Is there always a question without answers?

Like When are we going to realize hatred cannot combat itself
But love shall always overcome
And the rich only get richer
While the poor become poorer
One day perhaps we shall walk this earth in peace
When we learn which battles are fought alone
And which ones had to be overcome together

I don't mean to be a skeptic
Or criticize the universe's plan
I'm just trying to understand
I guess my curiosity demands I wonder

Jumble

Unscrambling the jumble of the paper
Mere childs play
Unscrambling the jumbling of your mind
Is a far more complicated, time consuming process
It is part of a life long struggle
Finding out who you are as a person
Who you truly are
It goes past who you are to your friends
As a means to impress them
Our how you speak tentatively to you family
afraid of saying the wrong things at times
It is usoing a bar of soap
Peeling away the outer layer of grime
Allowing onself to see your true skin
True colors
And when you are able to see
Why you do what you do
And are able to act instead of react
Perhaps this an important step in your journey

Free Range

The rooster struts
The sun gleams on his proud plumage
He holds his shimmering tail feathers high
For his hens trail closely behind
His dances lures them
And he croons rythmically as they lie at his breast
As one they roll in the dust
Cooling themselves from the days heat
They search for morsels
Finding tasty grub
They are content
For they are not as other chickens
They have never known what it is liked to be caged
Wallowing in the misery of their own waste
With no room to move about
For these birds are-
FREE!

Voice of Truth

When one stands up for what's right
The voice of truth cannot, will not be silenced
It is not its nature to do so
Kill the messenger
But not the message
As an Olympic torch
Passes from one runner to the next
So to the message passes onwards
From activist to another
People all races, economic status, and orientations
Have the right too speak their piece
In front of a gathering of their community
And when we stand up
join hands
And raise our voice in unison
And firmly declare
We willnot allow our human rights
To wither under the heat
Of injustice's cruel flag
And when we refuse to take the sit-lie sitting down
Or rather, standing and moving
Protesting in the words of Dr. King
We will not obey unjust laws
Or submit to unjust practices
That is the moment CHANGE begins to happen
FOR THE VOICE OF TRUTH CANNOT,
WILL NOT BE SILENT...

Nothing Left

We've failed to heed the words of the wise
Now our world is in a sad state of demise
No more education
Only recreation
We forget how to work the land
McDonalds is all we understand
No where left to toss our waste
We dump it all in space
Our grandkids ask what its like to climb a tree
Nothing green left far as the eye can see
The land is dying
Mother earth is crying
Cancer of the soul
That's the new death toll
Technology is the latest craze
The animals left wander in a daze
Skyward, nothing blue
Gray is all you view
The situation looking grave
There's nothing left to save
Earth's resources are no mo'e
So into space we go

Gen Y

I'm Gen Y
As in why do you try?
Sittin' there with your big fancy mac
But you don't know smack
You're so old
Your learning ability gone cold
Your warranty's expired
Hey, man why don't you just retire?
You'll never be able to get things fixed
You're just an old dog tryin to learn new tricks
Gen x?
Your as outdated as a T-rex
Y,Y,Y
I'm generation fuckin Y
So bitches, don't even try

Knew

The man heeded not
The strom
His calmness
The storm's eye
He walked
Thru
Thru the swirling vortex
Of falsehood
Into
Into the tunnel
Of truth
And his soul
Was alight
Stepping forward
Drawn to its power
As a poet
To pen
Advancing
Mesmerized
And then-
He KNEW

Storm's eye

The man flew
O're the storm's eye
First-
The right brain
Then the soul
Stepped down
Into the pit
Of the empty promise

Snow Angel

I live in a world
The clouds linger above
In a vast blue webbed window
And we reach out
To grasp the sky
But it slip from our hands
As salt
For we are salt of the earth
Lean against our sacred tree
I'm hurt
Like a broken angel
Fallen from the sky
Glorious snow angel
Can you know why?
Worry not
Love will heal us all

Phoneix

The fire burns
Burns in my mind
Burns me
It consumes
All of me
An nothing is left
But ashes
Ashes of my childhood
And the ugly thing
Done to me
But out of the ashes
Something is createed
It emerges
A phoneix rising
Into the twilight sky
My phoneix
My poetry

Knowledge

I shall search after knowlege all the days of my life
It is a thrist never to be quenched
If one wishes to find me
look no further than the libraries
And look!
I am sitting at the wise mans feet
For I must learn adn understand
Before I can teach and be understood
I shall take my knowledge to the peoples
For knowledge is useless
If you know it but do not do
And share with them its power
As one we will rise up
Journey for the riches and the wealth
Of knowledge
ANd the teach of others
AAnd as one walk into the glourious light of wisdom

Map

Sometimes I feel I'm lost in the jungle
And I'm holding this map
Attempting to read it
But the more I study it
The more confused I become
It's not even the right map
Plus I'm holding it upside
I am so intently focused on it
Blindly trying to follow it
I don't realize...
That they're misleading me
Then help arrives
The wind comes
softly blowing through trees
Gently swaying leaves passed by
A whisper accompanies the breeze
It murmurs in my ear
Why are you following someone else's map?
Look Up!
Get to know your surroundings
When you're as familar with the landscape
As your own body
Use your internal compass to guide you
I became one of the few
Brave enough to foll this advice
And Look!
I am -
FOUND!

Fire

And we add the fuel of creativity
To the fires of our minds
The flames leap
Higher!
And higher!
Till it seems they doth consume the soul

Blessed Gift

A poet is one who journeys to war torn ground
Festering in anguish
He searches until he finds a rough stone
Tenderly, he cleans and polishes it
And it becomes a shining gem
For a poet find beauty in everything
Even the sad things
Few are born with the gift of poetry etched in their mind
They yoke the worlds pain upon their shoulders
And it becomes their pain
So to the worlds joy is theirs
The ability to care transforms
Into a poem of breath taking beauty
No one whas died for cause dies in vain
For the poet pens the song of their life
So long as ink remains on page
They are not forgotten
The poet keeps them alive in their heart
And through verse, the heart of the world
The poet weeps
And the people raise their voice in unison
What a blessed gift I have!

Darth Vader Breath

Living room dark
I shuffle on stiff joints
Darth Vader breath fill my lungs
SCRAPING sound draws my attention
The neighbors dog alerts
His bark is hoarse, rough
Our family of raccons
or
cat burglar?

Lesson from a Queer Community

Hiding behind a wall of shame
You try to confide in your friend
I'm different you whisper
Don't worry your normal comes the reply
Everywhere you turn people shush you
One doesn't air their dirty laundry in public
Act like your normal is their advice
So I rented a vault
I threw the source of guilt and shame in
And the inadequacies for good measure
Locked it and threw away the key
Now I can pursue normalcy
The dirty secret shall bother me no more
Its done over with and now I'm no different than my peers
I ventured home joyous over my supposed triumph
Two hours later there was an urgent knock at my door
It was the samsara (soul scars)
It wore a rainbow colored shirt and was carrying excess baggage
I thought I sent you packing I said mystified
So beat it scram
Samsara just gave me a sorrowful look
Brushed past me and took up residence on my couch
I moved past my childhood into my adulthood
It was time to venture out in the world
I put my samsara on my shoulder and headed for Portland
Portland was a different world
It was there I met a wise man
He introduced me to the concepts of open-mindedness
One day I asked a question
He answered with a question of his own
Tell me why do you carry that samsara around?
I imagine it must cause emotional discomfort
You can see I said shocked
Of course for I used to have one myself
Then I realized my identity wasn't harming me
But denying and repressing it was scarring my soul
He took to SMYRC and introduced me to everyone
Some people here are still carrying their samsaras
They're not ready to put them down just yet
It was there I found the key I thought I'd thrown away
I had had it locked in my hearts vault the whole time
I used it to open my mind and banish the samsara
That was the first lesson I learned from the queer community
And SMYRC was were I met Rej
He taught me my second lesson by beginning Queer Zone
I speak for all of us when I say
By giving queer youth a place to chill
Where they're free of judgment
And surround by carrying supportive allies
And people who have been in their shoes
He has given us a sense not only of community but of self
It been a great first year
I hope there will be many more
And I'd like to conclude by thanking Rej for taking the time to ensure we have somewhere to go were we feel safe

I am, among all, truly grateful

I longed for prosperity so I could succeed in life
I endured poverty so I might learn to appreciate life
I longed for comfort so life would be easy
I endured struggle so I could comfort others
I longed for admiration so men would follow my life
I was given life so I might follow with admiration
I asked for praise so men might bow before me
I was given scorn so I could humble myself before the universe
I asked for a great mind that I would close business opportunities
I was given educational opportunities that I would have an open mind
I asked for rights that I might have influence
I was given discrimination so I might make it right
I asked for answers that I might know much
I was given questions so I might learn great things
My life is rich and profound beyond measure
Despite my flaws in asking for the wrong things
My true dreams were answered
For I got what I needed
Not what I wanted
I am, among all people, truly grateful

Free Thought

Come on a journey through the gates of curiosity
Fly through the bars of a gilded cage
Free thought is the key that opens it, you see
Let your mind loose to soar beyond the world's limitations
And your brain will sing imaginations praises forever more

Rest In Piece

I grieve everytime I see a brother lying lifeless on the ground
For it is me lying there
I don't want to admit it, but secretly,
A part of me is relieved they no longer suffer
Under the torment of a persecuter's wrath
I close their righetous eyes
They chose to view everyeone with love out of them
And though I make no claim to religion,
I say a quick prayer for the person
Their uniquely talented brains lie scattered on the pavement
A brain that shone forth a brillant message
Prayer is just habit
Left over from a misguided childhood
A childhood of hallejuahs and baptisms
One of things that just stick with you I muse
As I sit cradling their cold body in my arms
At the end, I focus on the message they left behind
It was so important they were willing to die for it
People fear change
But I will not
Rest in peace, my friend

Inner Voice

I listen to my inner voice
It is aware, senite
Telling me a great many things
Its a gift and a curse
For I am painfully aware sometimes
When I am warned people are not long for this world
This is the last time my eyes will percieve them
And I grieve for the flesh of my flesh
Blood of my blood
Gratitude flows
Without them I'd never been born
Their life gives way to my life
And so their story carries on
Through my poetry and I

When is the cycle of violence gonna end? It ends with you and me
Demandin' we free
POW's rotting in foreign jail cells
Bush is slaughtering the American dream
Searching for invisible WMD's
Under every rock and tree
Can't bomb the world to peace
This commie goverment system is bombing it ta pieces
Drilling for oil in litle kids backyards
Oil rigs springing up
corrupting where middle eastern soccer fields used to be
looking for terrorism in every 3rd world country
Terrorism begins at home
With no health care for the elderly
And no place for the poor to rest their weary head
Be the change, man
Believe in a picture perfect vision
Meditate on peace
Open your mind to respecting differences
Embrace the love
Hug your muslim brother
Engage in non-violent resistance
Burn the flag in a public street
If you truly believe in liberty and justice for all
The president only salutes the myth
Compromising, oath breaking hypocrite
Take action against cold blooded murder
Resist the Neo Nazis crucifying queer kids
And the pigs gunning down black grooms
No hear comes thhe groom
Only chopins funeral march plays in the room
I grieve with the mother
who's baby no longer nurses at an innocent breast
She has small comfort in taps
And at the sound of the 21 gun salute
21 rows of soliders barely out of school fall down dead
So we must join hands in love
An write peacenik poetry
Protesting wars for political gains
An the endless insanity of the Bush Administration
Via La Revolution!

Poetry book intro

I am an unknown poet, a no one seeking to write the ink well of inspiration dry
I write for the people surronding me
We are children of the earth, connected through the universe
These forces compel to put ink on paper
I want my poetry to inspire
When people read it, I want them to feel moved to tears
To have overwhelming fierce joy spring into their heart
All sorts of emotions burst forth from my page
My verse longs to be a torch
The bearer of my work can carry it
Ever so gently through dark, depressing times
And it will lift them up
To high places they've only dreamed about
Giving hope to cling to
Saving them from flooding torments
Be well assured my beloved reader;
No selfish ambition have I!

My writing

I am at a loss for words to convey my excitement. I have been presented with so many opportunities to display my writing. First I get published through WRAP, then I'm informed I can self publish if I so choose. Yesterday I got asked if I wanted to put a poem up in city hall! I'm also really close to achieving 100 blogs entries. According to statistics, In the past year, I've written a poem every 3 days. Today city hall! Tomorrow, the world!

Starry Eyed

Two people bathed in moonlight
Illuminated by the moon and the planets that eclipse it
And the stars are reflected in each other’s eyes
And as you gaze at your lover you can peer into their soul
As if the pupils were a portal you enter
To view the plan the universe has mapped out for you
Your two life paths were meant to merge into one road
A road with obstacles and hardships
But you need not fear they’ll rip you apart
For the love between you is so powerful
Nothing could tear it asunder
Your arms will remain linked
As long as breath is in your bodies

Summer Anew

Summer is the time for life to take wing anew
Summer reminds man and beast of their loneliness and they roam the land yearning for the company of another
Summer's the sound of bird's wings fluttering in the trees
Summer is when the newborn fawns frolic through the meadow grass, playfully nipping at each others heels
Summer is flowers deciding to send out their fragrant perfume, courting bees into the privacy of their bossom
Summer comes into bloom with sprinklers and barefoot children gleefully dancing through them
Summer allows everyone freedom to scamper through the countryside basking in the warmth of the sun's rays
For summer is the time for life to take wing anew

Blogging Community

None of us wish to be alone
We all need someone's help to get through hard times
Each of us feel the need to belong to a group
I am connected
Technological advancements
That's what helped me to know
To know there are other Portland bloggers
Blogging their way through the day
We comment on each other's blog
Providing inspiration
Kindling the spark of creativity in our poet brains
Our strength is our unity
I am never alone
My blog is my soul
My food is spoken language
My creativity comes from lives lessons
And my strength to persevere comes from fellow bloggers
We are one blogging community
I am never alone

My own scissors

Your bitter words cut into me as if they were a pair of scissors
They tore holes deep into my heart
everything I do is formed around the pattern you traced and hacked out for me
I peer into the looking glass
And I gaze at the ugly paper doll your tirades created
But you see, I have discovered my own scissors
I will carefully craft a new life
and a beautiful person will be born
And I'll draw a smile on my face with a shiny new crayon
I have my own scissors now!

Extinguished Freedom

Last night, I had a troubling dream
It warned me of opportunity lost in jails
Morning arrived, bringing a letter with it
I turned it over in my hands,
wondering what the sheriff wanted from me
The aura of doom stamped on it made me hesitant
My ever present curiosity soon triumphed over my growing fear
Its contents explored, I watched my cigarette smolder in an ashtray
I didn't, and still don't want to face the reality of the situation
My freedom might be extingushed as quickly as my snipe
How can one come to terms with this kind of mistake?
I had messed with dugs
And the time had come to pay the piper
With my valueable freedom

Awakening

Lashes blinking once, twice
Watching for the cue to be
All the world's wonder seen
Compare nothing to the enormity
Human minds eye
Imagination of creation
Powerful, forceful persona is born
And never dies
Nor is still, content
Breath growing within
Heart urgently pumping crimson
Vein gently webbing forth
The furnace of being lights
Out springs a man!

A Poets Mind

A flower set in the hair/Is beauty adorned
A bee busily buzzing/ Is the fruitage of hard work
A child at play/Is innocent fun
A runners dash/Is untiring endurance
A poets mind/Is greatest
Creating inspiration/And wonders more

de scend

Fate descends upon the mourners/At the funeral of their hopes and dreams
The black veil of sorrow/Draped over the mother of inventions countenance
A curtain of despair/Set at the final act
A lives work/Laid to rest awhile
The casket prison/Traps withering souls
An Idea/Smothered in infancy
Fixate your eyes/On what was
And remember well/Remembrance is the runners prize
The race is run/Time to rest your bones

A queer ending

The story of my life, my life that's, well hella QUEER
Who will be here to voice my opinions when I am gone?
No one, and I am afraid
Scared that my voice will go silent
Too soon, too soon
A vacant hole where poetry used to reside
The walls of NAFY blank again
Mouse scrawled signature vanished into-
Nothingness
Hollow echoes of poet's boldly spoken mind
A mind, a brain that has stopped Working
As if-
As if
Something had caught in the axon and neurons
And at the whim of a powerful thought
A strong force has violent tore them apart
Creative cells forcibly shut-up
Poetry left to rot forgotten, abandoned
My life's zealous pursuit gone to waste
A queer ending for a queer life

Drugs quiet the poem in my head,

A whisper where I cannot make out the words.

People growing older where their hearing slowly fades to a murmur.
I strain to hear them but it’s like a fast moving locomotive has come between
Me and them.

Bellowing steam out of the engines, bellowing steam from beneath its cobalt belly.

A train the devil conducts, driving it up a grade no human could walk.

The horn blares the sound of a million unpleasant concerts beginning at once.

All these deadly thoughts bouncing in my head—

Like purposefully overdosing

Or not giving a shit about others.

Not giving a shit about others a far deadlier thought for I fear not death.

Whereas I use drugs to quiet the poetry in my head because the vivid dreams of my poet mind do--

Cause fear.

For those words are the greatest power I have ever come to know

This would be the poem I could not write down

The tongues of people around me aflame with critique
About my own poetry, you know--

their gossip only fueling the fire of my own inspiration.

Then I say because I want to contrast the whole angel thing:

“But I know idle hands are the Devils.”

Then I said to myself,

Spoken poetry is the key that opens the cage to the enslaved,

Where then I muttered under my breath:

“I want to contrast angels—

Where Angels could not sing a sweeter melody than verse.”

Someone called me Nigger the other day,

Someone called me Nigger the other day,
as I was spanging for dope.

Then, all the junkies who cop the dope from me
Heaped insults on me, and screamed when I didn’t spange enough.

I took their abuse into the depths of my heart

Allowing it to stay as long as it wished

Then they made me walk all the way to 22nd and Lovejoy,

They taxed my cigarettes, and then stole my black lighter--

You know,
black like the night?..

You know,
Like the evenings where you cannot see your hands in front of your face.

Burned Out Bulb

My brain put up so much of fight last night
In order for it to write
It needs regeneration
Not information
Last night's poem came at great cost
Some brain cells are lost
Like a bulb that burned out
Will it work today? That I doubt
A connections been fired
Important parts have died
Listen to what I'm telling you
This poem is sad but true
Drugs have a terrible toll
They ruin your body and kill your soul

Endless Thought Train

I'm so paranoid
My words might fall of this page and drop into a void
I tell myself I'm being silly
But, really
I can't help but think
That talking to a shrink
Might not help my brain
And its endless thought train
All my fears-
Yes, the ones I keep trying to drown in beer
Won't go away
They might be here to stay
I don't know what I'll do
But it involves avoiding the loo
Beside there'll be nothing to calm me down
'Sides NAFY staff acting like clowns
I'm gonna have a fit
And throw a lot of shit

Promising Blossoms of Spring

When spring arrives, I watch the firsts
I watch the first robins searching for the company of a mate
And, when they suceed,
I see the first nest appear in the old tree
I see the first vunerable newborn crawl out of their egg
And I spy the gaping wide chick's mouth begging to be filled
And I spy the parents dropping worms into waiting beaks
I observe the first buds of spring slowly yawn open
I observe the first bees seizing the chance to gather more pollen
Victorious gathers buzz back to the hive
Dancing their tale of discovery for others to admire
I welcome the first snowbirds back from Florida
I welcome them as they arrive with big grins and fresh tans
Arms full of souvenirs and luggage
Enlisting neighbors help to unpack their crammed trailers
In the warmth of summer's end
As everything becomes active again
I smell the sweet odor of life
For what's dead has become renewed
And what has dried up is fertile again
Puddles have shrunk, leaving potholes in their place
And those that have left to avoid winter's harsh breath
Are all returning home to garden
Home to witness what has changed in their absence
Home to witness all the promising blossoms of spring

Track Marks

I lie on fallen ground
A rig sticks out of my arm
The track marks of failure
Clearly evident on my body
A mark for every time
The pain became stronger than I
The days I couldn't rise beyond the hurt
Today, I resisted temptation
Tomorrow, I may not
I write these words
Clearheaded and aware
The tar takes my thoughts, my word
Turns them into a meaningless haunted echo
Racing out of control and I turn my fear towards them
Something else to focus on so I can deny the bigger problem
Beyond the dangerous amounts of drugs
And killer chemicals I violate my body with
My usage could very well end badly
Yet, I care not
I turn a blind eye to the consequences
Do I want to live this life of regret?
Do I care to admit I could have contracted an incurable disease?
It might happen due to my sheer stupidity and the need to be cool
A nerdy bookworm with scruples is what I once was
Swore I'd never care what others thought
Never risk my health and life to please my peers
I pretend to look bad at laugh at the naive kid I used to be
But, secretly I envy the kid who wasn't afraid to be themself
Desperately longing to turn back the clock
It might be to late for me
Who knows what was cut into those drugs?
The ones I injected into my fragile veins
I may have already written my death sentence
And maybe I haven't
Perhaps, I'll even kick this shit
Through determined perseverance
I believe I can rise above
And learn to please myself first

Innocent kid

I was an innocent little kid
My daddy beat me
He loved the bottle not me
I have never been worthy of love
Torment was destined to be my teacher
From the first breath I took in this world
To the very last
I will carry the pain
Guilt
and shame always
It has spread in me
And like cancer, there is no cure
When it has consumed my body I shall die
If only my childhood had been different
I could have been somebody
Done something useful
But all I am now is fucked up and useless
Because
I was an innocent little kid
And my daddy beat me

My Cat

I love my cat
And she died
No simpler words can be spoken
I love my cat
And she died
This song will never leave my lips
I loved my cat
And she died

Egg

It takes 21 days for an egg to hatch. I have cradled an egg in my hand, fragile life in my hands. I've held a warm egg to my ear and heard the chick peeping inside and its mother's answering calls. I've seen the chick use its egg tooth to break away the shell encasing it. After many hours of struggling, I've witnessed it finally break free. I've lovingly placed a chick still soggy from its nutrient sac in my arms. I would stand there breathless, in awe of the miracle of life. On the side of the coin, I seen chicks to weak to break free lie in the shell, chirping frantically. I have helped these chicks out- knowing full well I shouldn't-mother nature has deemed the unfit for survival-only to sit there helpless as the die a few days later anyway. That has taught me a lesson as well. No matter how much I try to interfer with the natural cycle of life and death, things will happen as they are meant to in spite of all my efforts. I accepted the fact that I won't always grasp why nature works the way it does, or why innocent creatures have to die before they even lived. I've come to understand that life and death are unpredictable.

Mouse's Brain (should die)

Uptight, edgy, like a cornered animal with nowhere else to go. My natural state of being no how much I try to alter it. Always paranoid, predicting calamity and judgement day. I figured out the coffee's not blame for me being jittery and jumping out of my skin every time a door slams. No, it's something more. Deep in the inner working of my brain some gear isn't functioning properly, like a badly wound clock that perpetually chimes the wrong hour. What is wrong with me? Why must I lie awake at night and ponder the fears tomorrow brings? Day after day, I dance around like mad with a swollen bladder that threatens to explode, weighing the pros and cons of using the dreaded Public Restroom. In the end, I wait. I always wait, somehow concluding it will become less scary in a few hours when I am truly desperate. When I was a little kid, my mother would watch me hop around while performing the rituals of the pee-pee dance. The she'd proceed to yell "You know your going to give yourself a bladder infection, don't cha? She was right. I did. Mother's always seem to be right. Mine never seemed to understand the dangers I saw lurking behind every corner. Or why I stood paralyzed in indecisive fear because I had already consulted the endless list of scenarios in the given situation and all of them ended with me getting judged or yelled at.My fears are like tree roots burrowing deep into the soil of everyday life
and soaking up nutrients in the form of social situations. They root me in the past, denying the future. One of my biggest fears is that no one will understand my fears and help me overcome them. I will talk to the shrink as I promised. And when I speak, the words leaving my mouth will never reach her ears. They'll be sucked into some dry, cold, infinite vortex in the space between us. My words will turn into worthless jetsam drifting out an eternity in between ocean waves. You can probably tell by now that my analogies are as endless and rambling as my fears. I guess the reason I'm writing this piece is to allow myself to step back and laugh at a lifetime of fear.
Although they're are quite real to me, from an outside perspective they might seem silly and meaningless. A part of me is hoping that writing about it with the lead of this pencil will write away my fears, and this eraser will erase the possibility of being diagnosed as as beyond help, being told I'm crazy and nothing can be done for me. MAYBE.

Crystal fire

This is how it could start
The event that could tear your life apart
Here's the story
It will give you reason to worry
A friend of mine
His life was fine
Until he hung out with the wrong crowd
The voice saying bad idea was loud
He picked up meth
There's a reason it rhymes with death
One of the many who turned to dope
Because he could not cope
An amazing poet
Who could no longer show it
His brain turned to paste
Oh my god! What an awful waste!
His heads was full of words
Floatin free as a bird
But he had ta take it and toke
Filling his body with smoke
By the time he tried to stop
His life was already a flop
Continually wired
Off that crystal fire
He killed all the brillant ideas in head
Stomped em' till all were dead
Now his genius can't show
He chose not to say no
The light in his eyes grew dim
His future looked very grim
Learning to steal
So he'd always have drugs to deal
It took his teeth
Filled his friends with grief
He couldn't do the math
And learn to walk down the right path
The end result from this is he's sorely missed
Lying dead in a pauper's grave
All due to a craving he could not stave
This drug will steal your soul
It all begins with one bowl
I can only only pray
That you don't learn the hard way
Understand this lesson
With drugs don't be messin'
I hope these words you'll take to heart, my friend
The tale is told and now this poem is at its end

The true story of Humpty Dumpty

I am humpty dupty
I sat on a wall
A pair of hands reached out and shoved me
I had a great fall
It was no accident- I was pushed
And now I lie
My yolk brain splattered on the wall
My egg shell body smashed
Trampled on by the feet of careless passerbys
And all the shrink's pill and the shrink's pschoanalysis
Will never be able to put humpty dumpty together again

Pigeon Man

I have always wondered what it is like
to sit on brick throug sun, sleet, and snow
As the pigeon man does
His browned dreadlocks cascading down his back
Caring for those no else cares about
He feeds with seed the 'dirty city pigeons'
That pecks crumbs of wisdom fro his open course hands
Amongst the hustle and bustle of technolgy
Cars honking horns at people immersed in cell phone conversation around him
No one pays attention to the suburbanized piegons in their path
Many that do pause to kick at them
But I stop and sit next to those others shun
I could venture down the street and trade a wad of bills and brain cells
For some hits and forget it all
But today I feel like remembering
I will glean seeds of thought from the pigeon man
I'll learn what it is like to the save the life of crippled birds
And the value to be found in sitting amongst
An I will ask the pigeons what it is like to search the soul of man and find beauty

Drink

The idiot twirls on the leather stool
He knows to well of life and loss
He is the fly
His drink, the spider
Trapping men in its web
Slowly sucking life blood from them
Their only friend, their greatest vice
And therein lies their misery
hating the next drink
But paying for it anyway
Not with green wrinkled paper
But with their soul and potential
The fool stumbles off the stool
Muttering curses at the world
He trips and falls
Drenches himself in sticky beer
He comes to lie prone, inert on the floor
The next thing covering is a white sheet
In life, every action has a consequence
If you decide to take the drink
It will turn around and take YOU!

Brain Fuel

Boredom buzzes in my brain
It arrives unannounced
The devil disguised
In a black cloak
My brain is starved
Starved for the need of knowledge
But not getting a crumb of thought
What is there to do when one drops into a black hole of nothing?
A black sucking vortex of nothing
Nothing to be created
Except this poem
A small log of fuel
For a brain that demands much
Hungering for the want of learning
Ever curious it needs to understand
Understand the unknowable and unattainable
Therein lies its fault
Nothing fed it is enough
A blood thirsty beast
Wanting to suck truth and falsities
From the teat of libraries
Addicted to reading
A junkie craving its fix
This is what my mind has been like
And always will be
Searching for a kernel of info
Seeking to crack it open
And reach the rich meat inside
Continuing all my life
Only ceasing when the last breath leaves my body

DO NOT

DO NOT what?
Who are you to tell me what I can and can not do? From birth I have catergorized and put myself behind a fence. The burgundy red letters have glared at me, patronized me
and told me I was nothing.I DO NOT want to listen to that voice anymore. I chose to take back the word DO NOT and turn it into something positive. I am allowing myself to decide my fate. You DO NOT have control over me now, and forever. In wintertime I pace back and forth besides the chain link fence and the sign until I witness the promising buds of spring. Before that time comes, I watch the geese migrating and long to cast off the shackles of DO NOT as they do and fly away to freedom. I DO! And so I shall. Goodbye DO NOT! I am forever free from you and your guilded cage. Your voice is fading in my head, and soon I will no longer remember your existence.

cat greets person
like cat brethren
rubbing chins together
cat human happy
enjoy their walks
in summers light
harsh winter arrives
cat grows weak
refusing all sustenance
human companion concerned
begs for help
pleas go unanswered
human cradles her
all night long
finally life departs
in wee hours
cats soul gone
on its journey
but not alone
for human sent
part of their
spirit and soul
along with cat
that very day
cat was called
to a place
with no suffering
humans broken heart
grieves for cat
all their days
yet is grateful
for having had
a best friend
to guide them
eight troubled years
someday these companions
will meet again
and this time
there is nothing
to tear apart
two souls again

hunted mouse

cat enshrouds himself
in dark shadows
stalking his prey
cat moves carefully
avoiding rustling grass
the chase begins
hunted mouse runs
squealing in terror
field mouse still
cat enjoys dinner

High tide

Bobbing up and down in the eternal sea
An endless wave of faces staring back at me
Thoughts racing in with the tide
Hold on , we're going for a bumpy ride
A kaleidoscope of colors dances in my eyes
My mind preparing like a busy bee hive
Soon will commence the leap off the high dive
My body is poised and ready
I just have to hold my feet steady
My heart pounds in my ears
There's little time to allay my fears
I bounce once, twice with legs tucked
Through the air I glide like a slickened duck
My timing couldn't be more perfect than today
Success will be obtained in this sunny month of May
The crowd is on the edge of their seat
Hoping my efforts won't be met with defeat
I leave you with a lesson, just one
Try without fear of failure and now this poem is done

chicken love

at the barnyard
the rooster dances
seeking to woo
little white hen
yard echoing crows
seeking to impress
she snubs him
for she loves
big red cockerel
rooster dies heartbroken
for chicken love

to roost

with setting sun,
rooster's job done
gathering his flock
heading down hills
marching through shadows
home to coop
a short flight
ground to roost
rooster's watchful eye
keep hen's safe
through passing night
until dawn's greeted

Meditation

The world is hollow and I have touched the sky
Reached into the milky way sphere
I drew close and touched the swirling nougat center
and became filled with the knowledge
Understanding the tongues of earth's creatures
Through gravitating to meditation I became the energy of the universe
Simultaneously aware of everyone's life force
The force that bridges our galaxy, our universe to us
We are intermittently connected
Whatever happens to one happens to the rest
For better or worse, we are one
And now I know why it is so
And why it causes us to want
Why it causes the bird and butterfly to migrate across continents
And the mother bear to snuggle down for the winter, nursing cubs at her side
It is the reason man looks up at the sky and wonders why
Have you pondered why the sunset is glorious?
It is the dawn greeting us
A friendly hello from mother nature
She ensures our day starts and ends with a beautiful view
For she desires that all creatures enjoy life
And in doing so thrive
We are one, you and I
Namaste
The light in me recognizes the light in you
Slip into meditation, focus your mind on peace
Our universe will reciprocate
Cradling you in its arms as mother chimpanzee her chimp
Let it help you guide yourself to calm sereninty
It is only then your heart will fill with agape love
Then you will know as I do
And together, we will touch the sky

Candle Flame

I realize I can't get away
Even if I transversed 1,000 miles
It would follow me
Forever a lingering shadow
A fragile glue binds my mind together
But the bond is slowly breaking
The fibrous strands are gradually snapping
I thought, perhaps, on majestic Mount Hood...
I cannot escape, Can not endure embarrassing breakdowns
An attribute of the weak and I long to stand amongst the strong
It hurts awful bad and I long for the pain to end
In spite of my desire it will not end it wont decease
My writing has even ceased
For it is an expression of being alive
It was my joyous heartsong
My soul is a waxy candle
The flame, fragile
The wind is blowing harshly
In increasing measurements
Pressure Pressure Pressure
Continually
The flame could not withstand
And the spark of life has been snuffed out
Will it ever be relight?
Only if one believes in miracles

Beauty Forsaken

What is beauty forsaken?
Is it a forgotten poem?
A kiss that refuses to linger?
Laughter no longer heard in a desolate place?
Is it the one who climbs the rocky crag
Coming to stand upon the barren cliff
Screaming and whimpering for what's lost
The only thing returning to them is a haunted echo of what was
Mercy and love have been forsaken
I crawl on hands and knees
No longer lucid
Begging for something to soothe my cracked and dry lips
Heat throbs in my temple Sand invades every crevice of my body
I have been stripped of my innocence
and cast into the fiery pit of hell
alone and lost in the darkness I long to be lifted from my knees
To stand in the light
A hand is cast over my scarred misshapen soul
Will judgment be delivered upon what is left of me?
will the judge swing his gavel down on my head and pronounce me guilty
Have I created my own prison?
Am I to blame for what's transpired?
Forgive me if it is so
For I will suffer forever more

My writing after too many drugs

Avoid the dark shadows
They are elongated fingers of the grave
They curl around you like grey flavors of smoke
Their purpose is to envelop you in thick greasy smog
It will embrace your lungs and choke you
Robbing them of vital oxygen
Every hit from the pipe will do that to you
Leaving your eyes red rimmed and apathetic
Transforming you into a shadow of yourself
A shell of a person
Nothing matter no more
Except the next high
The sweet bliss of escape rings in your ears
You do anuthing to obtain that feeling
Forsaking and forgoing everything that used to be important
What's important any more when it seems that god hisself has turned his back on you in disgust
Which don't matter no more neither
Drugs have become the object of worship
Just holding it is partaking of god's flesh and blood
It is what communion is to a Catholic
And why shouldn't they be held in reverence?
It seems to be the only friend you got left
Can you blamed fucked up people for doing fucked up things?
The reality of what happened to you is to much to bear
something something something
Until you crack like Humpty dumpty
And all the king's horses and all the king's men won't be able to put me together again
Then I will be committed me to the ground
Something
Oh dandelions and grass plenty, grow over my grave and cover me
for I lie naked in my shame
PS I wrote this poem coming down of drugs. Then I got high again and lost 2/3rds of it. My bad. Sorry. It was good, I swear.