Track Marks

I lie on fallen ground
A rig sticks out of my arm
The track marks of failure
Clearly evident on my body
A mark for every time
The pain became stronger than I
The days I couldn't rise beyond the hurt
Today, I resisted temptation
Tomorrow, I may not
I write these words
Clearheaded and aware
The tar takes my thoughts, my word
Turns them into a meaningless haunted echo
Racing out of control and I turn my fear towards them
Something else to focus on so I can deny the bigger problem
Beyond the dangerous amounts of drugs
And killer chemicals I violate my body with
My usage could very well end badly
Yet, I care not
I turn a blind eye to the consequences
Do I want to live this life of regret?
Do I care to admit I could have contracted an incurable disease?
It might happen due to my sheer stupidity and the need to be cool
A nerdy bookworm with scruples is what I once was
Swore I'd never care what others thought
Never risk my health and life to please my peers
I pretend to look bad at laugh at the naive kid I used to be
But, secretly I envy the kid who wasn't afraid to be themself
Desperately longing to turn back the clock
It might be to late for me
Who knows what was cut into those drugs?
The ones I injected into my fragile veins
I may have already written my death sentence
And maybe I haven't
Perhaps, I'll even kick this shit
Through determined perseverance
I believe I can rise above
And learn to please myself first